Attention, Christian Florists…

Okay, I’m just going to say this once…

Selling flowers to someone does NOT mean you are participating in their wedding. You are not. You know how I know? All the participants were invited to the rehearsal dinner. Did you get that invite? No? Then you are not a participant. You are a vendor.

Selling flowers to someone does NOT mean you accept, approve of, or condone their behavior. You know how I know? Messages conveyed by flowers are from the buyer, not the florist. You are the messenger, not the message. So unless you take it upon yourself to enclose a card, signed by you, that says “Hey! Congratulations on Being Gay!”, you’re not sending a message. You are a vendor. The only thing you need to worry about approving is their credit.

No, you know what selling flowers to someone does mean? It means you sold some fucking flowers. That’s it. That’s all it means. Nothing else. You sell flowers, they needed flowers, you sold flowers, they bought flowers, end of story.

And guess what? They don’t need your approval, they don’t need your blessing, they don’t need your participation. They just need some nice pretty flowers, which you happen to sell. They just need you to do your fucking job and sell them the pretty flowers. That’s it. Literally nothing more is required of you. Your participation in their life is over the minute you hand them their change.

And, if it turns out these happy customers of yours are horrible people, and they turn around and use those flowers to murder orphans and puppies, I’m pretty sure God will forgive you.

Outrageous Wages

Dunkin Donuts CEO Nigel Travis says a $15 wage for food workers is “absolutely outrageous”.

Last year Nigel Travis made $10,204,803.

That’s nearly $5,000 an hour. ($4906.15 to be exact)

If you made $15 and hour working full time, you would make $31,200 a year.

Nigel will earn $31,200 in about six and a half hours.

You know what I think is outrageous? Making more money in one day than your workers will make all year, and then complaining that THEY are paid too much.

Middle Ground

Today I find myself in the place called “Middle Ground”. It used to be a hugely popular place, so crowded you couldn’t hardly get in. But today, it is almost completely abandoned. It’s empty. Just me, and as I look around, I see few shredded scraps of common sense blowing around, along with the occasional scrap of dignity or mutual respect. But no people.

If I look as far as I can see to the right, I can see a huge group of people off in the distance, very loud and boisterous, some almost clown-like. I can’t make out all they’re saying, but they seem to be very upset about Mexicans and gay people, and some guy named Ben Gazi.

If I look as far as I can see to the left, I see another huge group of people off in the distance, equally boisterous and buffoon-like. They seem to very badly want high wages and free abortions for McDonald’s employees, and they’re oddly obsessed with flags and the color green. Maybe they’re Irish?

To those folks on the right, from where they stand, I’m so far away they think I’m with the folks on the left. And to the folks on the left, from where they stand, I’m so far away they think I’m with the folks on the right. But I’m not with either, I’m right here in “Middle Ground”. I think they’ve forgotten that this place even exists.

It’s lonely here. I thought about maybe wandering over to one side or the other, but I like Mexicans (love their food) and gays, but I also like McDonald’s (love their food too) and don’t really need a free abortion or look good in green, so I don’t know which way to go.

To make it worse, both sides are only willing to accept me if I completely agree with their viewpoints one hundred percent of the time, on every single thing. They allow no room for debate or dissension, not if I’m to be considered one of them. So I just stay put and remind myself why I came to Middle Ground in the first place.

I do like it here. It’s quiet. People can come and go as they please, and do as they like, and it’s okay to be different, or have opinions. Here those things don’t define you. It’s nice. It’s just, well… so boring with no one else around. Mostly I just sit around and wait for someone else just to show up.

In the meantime, I figure if I can gather up enough of these shredded scraps of common sense, maybe I can make a nice papier-mâché project out of them or something.

Anti-intellectualism Is Killing America

This! This is the root cause of what is wrong with America today.

We are a nation founded by intellectuals, but we have abandoned that culture, and no one realizes why that’s a problem.

If you think willful ignorance and fundamentalism are harmless, they are not. The are dangerous and they are destroying us as a nation.

Please, if you read nothing else I ever post, read this. It is probably the single most important thing I have ever posted.

Heaven, God’s Office

SCENE: Heaven, God’s Office

God: Hey Jesus, you got a minute?

Jesus: Sure Dad, what’s up?

God: Sometimes I just don’t understand these people. You’ve been down there, help me out here…

Jesus: What did they do this time?

God: There’s this one guy, see. He’s been praying and praying for months now, wants help with his business, sales are down, he’s losing money, just on and on and on right?

Jesus: Gee Dad, that sounds like a legit request.

God: Well, sure it is, that’s not the problem

Jesus: Then what’s the problem.

God: Okay, so I go to help him right. He’s this baker, does wedding cakes, that’s his specialty, but nobody’s getting married. So I think, hey, where’s the next big untapped marked for wedding cakes?

Jesus: Oh, Dad, you didn’t….

God: Sure I did. Why not….

Jesus: The gays?

God: Sure, the gays, there’s been plenty of “being fruitful and multiplying”, I figure it’s their time.

Jesus: So, you…

God: So I moved a few hearts on the Supreme Court, bada-bing, next thing you know, you’ve got gay weddings out the wazoo.

Jesus: Okay, well… win-win I suppose… What’s the problem

God: This guy, this baker guy, he won’t serve the gays. He won’t sell them a cake. Says you told him not to.

Jesus: Hey, I never said…

God: I know, I know…. but he thinks you did, and that’s all it takes, right?

Jesus: But I LOVE weddings, remember the wine trick?

God: Son, everybody remembers the wine trick, it was epic, but this guy, he thinks he can’t sell a cake to the gays because you said so. And now he’s missing out on all this extra business I brought him, and his business, well it’s headed straight down the crapper.

Jesus: Okay, so, I’m afraid to ask but… What do you me to do about it

God: Could you, you know maybe, just go down there and talk to him?


God: Just a quick trip, you’re in, you’re out…

Jesus: Go DOWN There? Are you SERIOUS? Last time I went down there they nailed me to a tree.

God: Just real quick, you stop in, see this one guy…

Jesus: Seriously, holes through my hands and feet, Dad. Do you KNOW how much physical therapy I went through after that?

God: I know, I know, but…

Jesus: I still have to wear special sandals…

God: And I’m sorry about that, but this guy…

Jesus: Dad. My hand whistles if I wave too quickly.

God: But this guy…

Jesus: Nope, no way. I’m not going back. Not for cake. He’ll just have to find a new career.

God: That’s your final answer?

Jesus: It is. …. Anything else?

God: Well…

Jesus: What?

God: It’s just…

Jesus: What is it?

God: You see, there’s this flower guy…


Confederate Flag Flies Again in Marion County

Okay, time to layer in some complexity, this one is probably not as obvious as you think it is…

1) Marion County has a “five flags” display outside their courthouse, in other words they fly the historic flags of the five nations (France, Spain, Britain, USA, and CSA) which at one time or another have flown over the state of Florida. That the Confederate States was one of those five nations is a historical fact.

2) If you are going to have a “five flags” display, the flag representing the Confederate States should be one of the three (or more counting variations) national flags of the CSA, and not the “battle flag”, which was never used as a national flag. Setting aside for the moment the racial connotations the battle flag has taken on after the war, it simply is not the correct flag to fly to represent the nation that was the Confederate States of America. To Marion County’s credit, the flag they use is the third national flag of the CSA, and not the battle flag.

3) While the display is both historically valid and accurate, one should remember that lynchings were widespread across the South up until the mid 1930’s, and Marion County led the state in the number of lynchings of black men. Florida as a whole had more lynchings of blacks per capita than any other southern state. I’m not sure historical validity and accuracy is of much comfort to the families of those who were murdered not that long ago based on the color of their skin.

4) I wonder why supporters of Marion County’s flag display aren’t doing more to honor and embrace their French, Spanish, and British heritage in the same way they embrace their very brief period under CSA sovereignty. I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw a royal French or Spanish flag flying from the back of a pickup truck, and Union Flags in these parts are pretty much only used to identify Doctor Who fans (a few of whom do drive pickup trucks).