Our Choices So Far — part 2

Well, it’s nearly done. Unless there is an intervention by God Himself, or the Ghost of Reagan, it looks like Trump will be the Republican nominee. This means in about six months, one of the following will be elected as our new president:..

Option 1: Uncle Bernie. Bernie is like that crazy old uncle you see at holidays, he always saying the most ridiculous but lovable things. He’s so sweet and he means well, he just has no idea how anything really works. You just want to hug him. You really wish you could live in his world. And his ideas, they’re such nice thoughts, just so impractical. “They should give everybody free Twinkies on Tuesday. Twinkies for everybody, who’s with me. And puppies. Puppies for everybody. Nobody can be sad if they have a puppy.”

Option 2: The Wicked Witch of the West. That’s not really fair, there is a fundamental difference between Hillary and the Wicked Witch. The Wicked Witch of the West never gave a flying monkey what anyone else thought of her, and she certainly never changed her agenda to gain anyone’s approval. So… my apologies to Wicked Witch fans everywhere, she is clearly the more respected of the two.

Option 3: A giant talking oompa-loompa turd coated in a weird mixture of skin bronzer, dorito dust, and buffalo sauce, and possibly possessed by the ghost of Hitler.

Yeah. That’s it. Those is our choices. I think Sophie had an easier choice. (What, too soon?)

So, is anyone else out there beginning to wonder if maybe free Twinkies isn’t our least dangerous option?

Our Choices So Far

It is a long ways to November, and I’m not gonna make it unless I scale back a bit. So for now, at least until I can’t stand it any longer, this is all I have to say about the presidential race…

In no particular order…

Hillary Clinton – is an opportunist. She is untrustworthy. She has an open marriage with the truth. She will say or do anything if she thinks it will get her votes. She has no real character and no real direction. Her only goal for becoming president is to become president. No one knows what she would do if president, but we could always hack her mail server to find out. But… She is a better choice than Trump.

Ted Cruz – is a mean little obstructionist wing-nut. He has alienated everyone in Congress. Even other Republicans don’t like him. He is more concerned with winning a political point than doing what is right for America. Despite claiming to be a Constitutional scholar, he would completely dismantle the 1st Amendment given the opportunity. He is everything that is wrong with modern American politics. But… He is a better choice than Trump.

Marco Rubio – is an ineffective first term junior Senator, completely beholden to his party establishment, and who religiously clings to the party line, even when it makes him look like an idiot. In other words, he is basically the Republican version of a Barack Obama. He is inexperienced, he is a lightweight, and he is in way over his head. But… He is a better choice than Trump.

Bernie Sanders – is a democratic socialist in the European tradition. He will increase government spending. He will increase taxes. He is convinced you will be better off for it. I am not convinced. Though he means well, many of his plans are naive at best, catastrophic at worst. But… He is a better choice than Trump.

Donald Trump – is a giant gasbag full of hate, nonsense, buffoonery, and bacon grease. He wants to make America great again by getting rid of all the Mexicans and Muslims, much like a certain German politician wanted to restore the Fatherland by getting rid of the Blacks and the Jews. He laughs at the handicapped. He enjoys watching his minions beat up protesters. He doesn’t realize Mexicans have developed a new anti-wall technology called “tunnels”. He could be the villain in an Austin Powers movie, but he would have to tone it down a bit. He is a better choice than Re-animated Zombie Hitler, but not by much.

America – there are only four viable non-Trump choices left – as distasteful as it is, we have to pick one of these four idiots to be our next president. At this point, I don’t even care which one, just pick one of them. I will go along with whoever you like. We can try again in four years, with a different set of idiots. But seriously… literally any candidate but Trump.

Ben Carson’s “Testimony”

First, let me say I do not think all Christians are liars. I have met many who are not. Many are good, honest, hard-working, people.

I will even go as far as to say it’s possible there are some Evangelicals out there who are not liars. Somewhere. Maybe. So I’ve heard. There have to be, right?

But… I’ve seen this game first hand, and all too often. This “testimony” performance that’s required of Evangelicals. Might as well call it “Lying for Jesus”. The thing is, these people actually believe it’s okay to “exaggerate” or “embellish” their story, if it means “saving” someone. So yeah, they are perfectly comfortable with people having their conversion, and by extension their entire faith, based upon a lie. Just so long as it gets them to heaven.

And what’s more, they then have the audacity to expect you to believe everything else they say as cold hard fact, even while they continue to “exaggerate” and “embellish”. And they become genuinely offended when you refuse to believe them. This is why I have such a hard time taking them seriously about anything. Especially when they run for president.

As to the argument that Jesus told stories too… Yes, Jesus told parables, but… It was always clear to the listener that he was telling a parable. And he never, ever, told one of his stories as if they were his own actual personal experiences. So no, fluffing up your award-winning “testimony” story is not the same as Jesus telling a parable. Not even close.

Donald Trump impersonates Asian negotiators


This clip is telling…

The idea that Asians on business don’t engage in small talk is itself nonsense, but that they would come out first thing and immediately demand a deal is an absolute absurdity. It could not be further removed from reality.

There are only two possible conclusions one can draw from this. Either Mr. Trump has never been involved in an actual business negotiation with Asians, beyond demanding an extra egg roll from his local take-out, or… Mr. Trump is deliberately and purposefully lying for the sole purpose of denigrating his opponent.

Take your pick…

Middle Ground

Today I find myself in the place called “Middle Ground”. It used to be a hugely popular place, so crowded you couldn’t hardly get in. But today, it is almost completely abandoned. It’s empty. Just me, and as I look around, I see few shredded scraps of common sense blowing around, along with the occasional scrap of dignity or mutual respect. But no people.

If I look as far as I can see to the right, I can see a huge group of people off in the distance, very loud and boisterous, some almost clown-like. I can’t make out all they’re saying, but they seem to be very upset about Mexicans and gay people, and some guy named Ben Gazi.

If I look as far as I can see to the left, I see another huge group of people off in the distance, equally boisterous and buffoon-like. They seem to very badly want high wages and free abortions for McDonald’s employees, and they’re oddly obsessed with flags and the color green. Maybe they’re Irish?

To those folks on the right, from where they stand, I’m so far away they think I’m with the folks on the left. And to the folks on the left, from where they stand, I’m so far away they think I’m with the folks on the right. But I’m not with either, I’m right here in “Middle Ground”. I think they’ve forgotten that this place even exists.

It’s lonely here. I thought about maybe wandering over to one side or the other, but I like Mexicans (love their food) and gays, but I also like McDonald’s (love their food too) and don’t really need a free abortion or look good in green, so I don’t know which way to go.

To make it worse, both sides are only willing to accept me if I completely agree with their viewpoints one hundred percent of the time, on every single thing. They allow no room for debate or dissension, not if I’m to be considered one of them. So I just stay put and remind myself why I came to Middle Ground in the first place.

I do like it here. It’s quiet. People can come and go as they please, and do as they like, and it’s okay to be different, or have opinions. Here those things don’t define you. It’s nice. It’s just, well… so boring with no one else around. Mostly I just sit around and wait for someone else just to show up.

In the meantime, I figure if I can gather up enough of these shredded scraps of common sense, maybe I can make a nice papier-mâché project out of them or something.