Et Tu, Pepe…

Let’s talk about the Republican party and their new obsession with “cancel culture” for a minute. Ever since I can remember, the Republican party claimed to support businesses and business owners, as the engine that drives prosperity. They favored minimal regulation, and in many cases deregulation, arguing that market forces would produce the most effective outcomes. In other words, there was no need for government to tell businesses what to do, they would do what market demanded, or they would not survive.

Additionally, since the 1980’s, the Republican party has also claimed to be the party of “family values.” Unfortunately that often translated into “no gays”, but the were ostensibly the party that supported and protected families, and in particular children.

So one has to wonder, when a business that produces entertainment for children, for example a Warner Bros. or a Dr. Seuss Enterprises or a Hasbro, decides that the market is telling them that some of their product no longer aligns with the values parents want to expose their children to, and said companies decide to remove or revise their product to more closely align with the values of their market, a market targeted specifically towards children, one has to wonder why Republicans are upset.

Clearly they’re not upset that businesses are responding to market forces rather than government “interference.” They can’t be upset that businesses are aligning their values to benefit children.

As far as the “taking away their childhood” argument, aside from the Bible’s advice to “put away childish things”, I would point out nothing is gone. He may be less accessible to children, but Pepe le Pew is still out there, available for adults to stream in all his inappropriate touchiness glory. Those six Seuss books will be available in used book stores and on eBay for generations to come. (Let’s be honest, they were not exactly best sellers to begin with.) And if you want to assign traditional gender roles to your potato, well, you know, have at it. No one will stop you.

Here’s what they are really upset about. They don’t see anything wrong with unwelcome advances and uninvited touching directed towards women, and by telling them Pepe is not a good role model for children, we are taking away their “right” to treat women this way.

They don’t see anything wrong with laughing at grossly stereotypical Asian or aboriginal caricatures, and by telling them we don’t want children to make fun of others based on their race, we are taking away their “right” to make fun of others.

They want men to be real men, and women to be real women, and potatoes to… well, be real man-potatoes or real woman-potatoes, and by telling them children should be free to define themselves in their own terms without society telling them what little boys and little girls are supposed to play with, we are somehow taking away their “right” to be manly.

And they will argue that our generation grew up with Pepe le Pew and Asian stereotypes and clearly heteronormative Mr. Potato Head, and we turned out just fine. To that I would reply, yes, we turned out okay, but you know who else grew up watching Pepe le Pew? Harvey Weinstein grew up watching Pepe le Pew. Jeffrey Epstein, Kevin Spacey, Louis C.K. all grew up, like us, watching Pepe le Pew. And the list goes on.

Maybe you don’t want to use your experience to speak for an entire generation. Maybe you, like me, had parents that went to great lengths to explain you do not treat women like you see Pepe le Pew do, any more than you learn gun safety from Elmer Fudd. Maybe today’s parents don’t want to have to explain why a cartoon skunk is allowed to get away with inappropriate behavior.

So, to Republicans, I would say this. Calm down. The market is working exactly the way it is supposed to. And really, you’re not losing anything. If you want to spend your evenings watching an over-sexed cartoon skunk groping a hapless black cat, have at it. If you enjoy outdated Asian stereotypes, please, read away, or better yet, check out “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, you’ll love the Mickey Rooney character. And if you insist that your potatoes have a penis. Well, unlike you guys, we’re not judging.

Winning and Losing

I’m old. Let’s start with that. How old am I? I am the-triumph-of-victory-and-the-agony-of-defeat years old. Specifically, I am I-remember-when-being-a-sore-loser-was-considered-a-serious-character-flaw years old.

Yes, when I was young, people who could not accept defeat without whining, or could not accept victory without taunting, were considered morally lacking.

I knew there was going to be a problem when I realized they no longer kept score in children’s sports, I just had no idea exactly what or how big the problem would become.

Without keeping score, there’s no way to know who won and who lost. Without knowing who won and who lost, there’s no way to learn how to lose, or to win, graciously, and with dignity and respect for their competitors, and for the competition itself.

This “everybody’s a winner” mentality sounds great on paper, but it’s not reality. In reality, when there is a contest, somebody wins, and somebody loses.

But today we have a whole generation of participation trophy winners who think everyone is being unfair to them because their candidate lost. They think we should throw out the score, ignore reality, make up any excuse they can, and declare their guy the winner, because… Waah! we just want it SO bad! Waah! he CHEATED! Waah! it’s just NOT FAIR! Waah! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

No one ever taught them the lesson that, when you lose, and you WILL lose (everyone loses sometime), you accept it, stop arguing with the umpire, go congratulate the winner, examine what went wrong, and dedicate yourself to doing better next time.

We desperately need to bring back scorekeeping to children’s sports. And now. No less than the future of our republic depends on it

The United States of Capitalism

I was recently reading one of the right-wing pundits talking about the evils of socialism as presented by AOC, Sanders, et al, and according to him anyway the entire Democratic party.

However the socialism he described was not the universal healthcare, affordable education, or other progressive talking points I’m used to hearing. It was the full blown marxist-leninist socialism and collectivist communism of the Soviet Union, communist China, North Korea, Cuba, etc. etc.

As an example of the superiority of capitalism over socialism, he cites specifically East Germany vs West Germany, and North Korea vs South Korea. He further sites both India and China and their move away from a (marxist) socialist economy to a more capitalist economy. In these cases he points out how the people are economically more successful, taller, healthier, happier etc. under capitalism.

And I agree with him. Soviet style socialism is bad, m’kay. Collectivist communism is objectivly a failure, it has not been economically successful anywhere. Ever. And given that this style of economic model tends to be coupled with authoritarian or dictatorial political leadership, it is a thing that should be avoided at all costs. I think most of us can agree on this.

So, therefore… I am fully willing to adopt a West German / South Korean style of capitalism. I should add, Germany has had socialized medicine since… wait for it… 1883. South Korea took a little longer, they did not decide universal health coverage was a good idea until… 1976.
Of course, India and China are late to the game, having more recently emerged from the darkness of a socialist economy into the bright light of capitalism. They didn’t get universal healthcare until 2014 and 2011 respectively. Better late than never.

So while I have yet to hear any progressive Democrat anywhere arguing for centralized planning, government control of the means of production, or the proletariat overthrow of the bourgeoisie, I do agree with the AOC/Bernie crowd, in that we should adopt West German / South Korean style capitalism, including it’s universal healthcare, post haste.

And seeing as how Germany and Korea successfully adopted universal healthcare, and in doing so neither became the next Venezuela. Seeing as neither saw the collapse of their representative form of government and somehow managed to continue on as democracies, I think it’s safe for us, having a long history and tradition of representative democracy, to proceed. That is, as long we avoid coupling this with a leader having authoritarian tendencies.

On second thought, maybe we should wait just a bit, and not try this under the current president…

A Tale of a Flapper

So I’m in Ace Hardware, picking out a new “flapper” for the toilet tank (that’s the bit that always gets stuck when you have to “jiggle the handle”).

In our Ace they’re always friendly and helpful, whether you want them to be or not. This is the “country” Ace Hardware, not the “city” one, in the “city” one they’ll usually leave you alone. We live about halfway between the two, but the traffic is always lighter driving towards the country, and I’d rather deal with that even with the accompanying friendliness, than the traffic driving into Brandon on a weekend.

So anyhow, the Ace Hardware guy is helping me, and I’m letting him, even though I’m pretty certain I know exactly what I need. This is our conversation…

Ace Hardware Guy: Watch ya need to fix?

Me: Toilet.

AHW Guy: (nods approvingly)

Me: Need a new flapper.

AHW Guy: Aisle 20

(We walk back, maybe another six steps from where we were)

AHW Guy: We got lots to chose from

Me: I see that.

(The really did have a very impressive selection of flappers, probably more in one place than I’d seen before.)

AHW Guy: We got the basic “korky”. In red AND in black.

Me: What’s the difference between the red and the black.

AHW Guy: The color.

Me: Of course.

(We eventually determine the red one has greater resistance to chlorine, which all water supplies have, unless you have a well. And then only if you add chlorine yourself. This was a much longer conversation about water supply chlorination than I’ve ever had with anyone. Ever.)

AHW Guy: (proudly) We’ve even got the Flow-Master® now.

Me: Ah yes, the Flow-Master®. Good product that. (Like I know…)

AHW Guy: It’s more expensive, but worth it.

Me: Sure.

I can only assume it is the “Cadillac” of flappers. But since ours is more of a Ford Pinto of toilets, I settled for the “korky”.

The red one, not the black one, I’m not an animal.

The Best a Multi-National Corporation Can Get…

(…for their advertising dollar)

I’m beginning to think some of you people don’t understand how advertising works.
Gillette created a two minute commercial that suggested perhaps men shouldn’t be dicks. Some people love it, applauding the effort of men encouraging men to be better. But others are bent by it, seeing it as insulting, condescending or even emasculating, part of some kind of continuing “war on men”.
Both views completely miss the point of this ad. This purpose of this ad wasn’t to help men be better men. It wasn’t about addressing toxic masculinity. It wasn’t made to “raise awareness”, or “open a dialog”. Some of those things may happen as a result, but they are side effects.
The only purpose of an ad like this is to get as many people talking about Gillette as possible, while spending as little money as possible to do it. That’s it. Nothing more. If you sell an cheap commodity product, one that is virtually indistinguishable from your competitor’s product, the only thing that matters is brand recognition. You want people equating your name with your product. Exclusively if possible. That’s what this ad was designed to do, get as many people as possible to mention Gillette by name. Brand recognition.
That has always been Gillette’s strategy. And if you don’t think it works. Try this: name two other brands of razor blades. Are you sure about that second one? Okay, name a third.
And it worked brilliantly. I’m guessing many of you have heard something about the controversy, but haven’t seen the ad. And I’m guessing those of you who have seen the ad are like me, and only watched to see what the fuss was all about. But the beauty of it is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve seen it or not, or if you even know what it’s about or not, the end result is you’re talking about it, and mentioning Gillette by name while doing so. Mission accomplished.
And by the way, they spent zero money airing this ad. To date is they have bought no air time for it on TV, or as a paid ad on websites. It was uploaded to YouTube. That’s it. They parked it on YouTube and let the “influencers” have at it. And they did. And now literally everyone on social media is talking about it. And it cost Gillette next to nothing to produce and literally nothing to air. Like I said, mission accomplished.
Of course, using controversy to generate publicity is nothing new, but doing it with a controversy that’s widely viewed as positive rather than negative, that’s something of a holy grail in advertising. And from that standpoint, Gillette nailed it as well.
They generated a huge amount of free publicity, for very little money, and got to look like the good guys while doing it. Folks, this is the stuff of advertising legend. Somewhere the ghost of Don Draper just popped a boner so hard it cracked open his coffin.

The Days of HallowThanksMas

We are now in the holiday season, a time of year when multiple holidays have become so prevalent they begin to merge together into one big two month long holiday.  Some people respond to this by insisting everyone say “Merry Christmas” to them and taking great offense when this doesn’t happen.  These people call this time of year “The War on Christmas”.  If it were a little more like an actual war, with guns and bombs and tanks and such, it might be kinda cool, but as it is, the name does not live up to the hype.

I take a slightly different approach. Over the past few years I and others have been referring to this time of year as “HallowThanksMas”, as a way of indicating the merging of three of the larger holidays of the season. But, even this is insufficient, as there are far more than just three holidays. Let’s take a holiday moment and look at them all…

July 5th

Not a holiday, per se, but it is rapidly becoming the new beginning of the HallowThanksMas season. This is the day Walmart first puts out their Christmas decorations.


October 31st, the official beginning of HallowThanksMas. This is the night our children get dressed up in costumes and go door to door begging for candy. It celebrates the twin values of childhood obesity and panhandling.

All Saints Day

The day after Halloween. No one celebrates this day. Except maybe Catholics.  Maybe. Once upon a time.

Dia de los Muertos

Also the day after Halloween. This is still mostly celebrated by those of Latin American descent, but the anglos are starting to take notice. I predict Dia de los Muertos will quickly become the new Cinco de Mayo, what with anglos becoming increasingly disillusioned with Cindo de Mayo once they learn it is not, in fact, Mexican Indpendence Day, but instead celebrates a small but significant defeat of the French. After all, if we celebrated every time the French lost, we’d be celebrating all year long.

Blackout Wednesday / Drinksgiving

The day before Thanksgiving. This day has replaced New Year’s Eve as the night non-alcoholics get blackout drunk and do stupid things. Fun fact: This holiday was once sponsored by Four Loco.


The last Thursday of November. After the previous night of over-drinking, we celebrate a day devoted to over-eating. The traditions include preparing gigantic poultry-based meals while hungover, watching Detroit lose a football game, arguing about cranberry sauce, throwing shade at relatives, both present and absent, slipping into a life threatening food coma, and preparing one’s Black Friday battle strategy for the following day. Some traditionalists even include a giving of thanks, but this has become increasingly optional and downright passe.

Black Friday

The Friday after Thanksgiving is the first of four annual shopping holidays. If there was ever a holiday that resembled a “war on” anything it is Black Friday. This is the day, immediately following the day we gave thanks for the wonderful bounty that is our life of plenty, when we go out and beat perfect strangers to death for a flat screen TV. This is both the largest shopping day of the year, and the day with the most small appliance related rectal injuries of the year.

Local Saturday

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, and the second of the shopping holidays. Local Saturday is an attempt to encourage shoppers to shop local. It does not work, as most people who actually would shop local are instead spending their day visiting friends and relatives in the hospital due to their Black Friday related rectal injuries. This holiday will soon pass the way of All Saints Day, nothing more than an interesting relic of a kinder time.

Cyber Monday

The Monday after Thanksgiving, the third of the shopping holidays, this one devoted to online shopping. This holiday was born of necessity, back in the dark ages when people only had Internet access at work. While this is no longer true, the holiday continues as a fun productivity-killing tradition. Why go shopping from the comfort of your home when you can do it on the clock instead. By the way, tradition says you are not allowed to participate in Black Friday and Cyber Monday, so choose wisely.

Christmas Eve

December 24th, the night before Christmas, and the final of the annual shopping holidays. While the previous three were devoted to online shopping, local shopping, and full combat shopping, Christmas Eve is the day for panic shopping. Christmas Eve is the reason, and the only reason, that drug stores sell perfume and clock radios. It is also a time for gathering, drinking a little too much, and letting the kids open just one present, so they will finally shut the hell up about it and stop harshing your eggnog and wine induced buzz.


December 25th, the big one. This is the day everyone has been telling you that you must mention by name when wishing others well on any of the previous holidays.  It is the only holiday allowed to use the word “Merry”, all others must make do with less jovial “Happy”.  It is the day we celebrate keeping our consumer driven economy afloat for just one more year by giving toys to kids, and worthless do-dads to everyone else. There is also a religious element to the day, as about five or six deities all claim this as their birthday, so… Happy Birthday Santa!

Boxing Day

December 26th. That weird day Canadians celebrate that no one else understands.

Hanukkah / Chanuka

Sometime in December, nobody really knows for sure. Also, nobody really knows how it is spelled, which is kinda nice, because any guess at it is pretty much valid. From what I understand, Hanukkah is the Jewish version of Christmas, only without a baby Jew in a barn. Also the presents are spread out over eight days because of this eight candle candelabra thing. The presents are a little different as well, consisting mostly of chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil. I will admit, for some reason the chocolate does taste better when shaped like a coin.


Sometime in November or December or January, again nobody really knows for sure, but at least we can agree on the spelling. Ramadan is like the Muslim version of Christmas, only without anything even remotely like Christmas, and instead you can’t eat or drink during the daylight hours.  They were smart putting this holiday in the winter months.

New Years Eve

December 31st, the last day of the year. This used to be the night everyone got drunk, but that is no longer fashionable, especially since the advent of Blackout Wednesday. So instead we face the end of another year, facing an uncertain future and our own impending mortality with all of the fear and regret as before, but now without the alcohol. I recommend skipping this one.

New Years Day

January 1st, the first day of the year. This used to be the day we watched the college football championship, but for reasons no one understands that no longer happens until a few days later. Activities include: eating black-eyed peas, for some reason, and pledging to join a gym, because dammit this is the year. Personally I recommend drinking the booze you skipped the previous night, and listening to the Black-Eyed Peas.


January 6th. Another one just for the Catholics. I think it’s like a Catholic Boxing Day. In some areas it is celebrated by having young boys dive into really cold water to retrieve something. For the rest of us, it means it is the last acceptable day to drag that Christmas Tree out to the curb.


I don’t know, I wanna say January sometime, or maybe March?  No one takes Kwanzaa seriously because it’s so new, but I say that’s not fair. All holidays were new at some time right?  Plus we’ve adopted other new holidays, like Blackout Wednesday. Yeah, honestly I don’t know anything about Kwanzaa, but I am all for adding a new holiday, even if people will insist on saying “Merry Christmas” to it.

Midnite Martini Movie: 2001: A Space Oddessey (Part 1)

Some nights, when insomnia strikes, I mix a martini and put on a movie.  Tonight’s movie, the 1968 Stanley Kubrick classic:  2001.  This still stands as the science fiction movie against which all others are judged.  Let’s join in…

So I’m watching the season finale of “Into the Badlands” and there’s a scene that reminds me of the monolith from “2001: A Space Odyssey”, and so now I’m watching 2001 because, well… how do you not watch 2001?

(And Kat Wiggins, I am timing the monkey scene because I don’t know how long it is but I know it is less than 12 days.)

[0:04:48]  And the monkey scene (aka “the dawn of man” sequence) is exactly 15 minutes and 2 seconds long. Not 12 days. 15 minutes. …. (and 2 seconds)

[0:23:33]  Okay, so now we’re into the space station docking sequence, and this movie, now 50 years old, fifty fucking years old, is still the single most accurate depiction of future space travel ever committed to film.

… and the choice of a waltz as the musical accompaniment for the docking sequence was inspired brilliance — If I haven’t mentioned before. Kubrick was a fucking genius!

OMG this movie was SO FAR ahead of its time

[0:50:55]  Ianto the cat has joined me for the moon monolith uncovering sequence. he gets it.

[0:54:45]  Now we’re on Discovery, the Jupiter mission. My God this movie was amazing. Alonso the cat has joined us, but he’s not watching. And Ianto has lost interest in the movie and is now more interested in attacking my thumb. Oh well…

[1:02:16]  “I enjoy working with people” … you just know the HAL 9000 is lying. People don’t enjoy working with people. There’s no way a hyper-intelligent machine enjoys working with people.

Side note: I’m just a little freaked out that my tablet’s keyboard predictive text worked out “hyper-intelligent” so quickly.

BTW, astronauts Bowman and Poole are watching a video interview on a nicer tablet than I’m using to post this.

Think about that, Kubrick predicted tablets, in 19-freaking-68 !

[1:03:38]  Can a computer have emotions? This movie is brilliant. BTW at 1:03:38 there is a flyover sequence of the Discovery One that is the direct predecessor of the Imperial cruiser flyover in the opening scene of Star Wars. Nevermind Kubrick, Douglas Trumbull (the FX guy) is a fucking genius!

[1:03:54]  So Frank Poole’s parent call him while he’s in deep space approaching Jupiter. Subject? Payroll issues. Seems Frank’s higher pay rate for serving on Discovery One hadn’t kicked in yet. How freaking realistic is that?

[1:24:26]  Note to Elon Musk, Richard Branson, et al… When you create AI, don’t give it the ability to lip read….

HAL was fucking Siri before Siri was Siri. (Non Apple people – substitute Alexa / “Hey Google” for Siri…)

FYI, Android predictive text will not accept “Siri” under any circumstances… LOL

All this talk about the HAL 9000 and possible errors, and now Alexa is getting visibly agitated…

The HAL 9000 is rattling on about how there’s never been an error in the 9000 series, and meanwhile Alexa is giving me the nine day weather forecast…

… and yeah, that’s where I fell asleep, just before HAL goes off the rails. I’ll watch the rest later tonight (assuming Alexa doesn’t get to me first)

(to be continued…)



A closer look at the Hundred Acre Wood

I don’t much feel like dealing with the real world today, what with all that’s going on, it’s just too much to deal with, so… Let’s take a break. Let’s talk a bit about Winnie the Pooh instead.

I’ve recently taken a new look at these characters, and I have some things to say. (I know, surprise, right.)

First the titular bear himself, Winnie. I think it’s time someone mention the elephant in the room here. Winnie has a serious substance abuse problem. His honey problem is classic addict behavior. It’s all he thinks about, it’s all he talks about, it’s all he does. His entire day is spent either searching for honey, eating honey, or depressed that he is out of honey. Pooh is an addict.

And it’s beginning to affect his health. It’s no secret he is somewhere north of his ideal weight. It got so bad recently that he got stuck in Rabbit’s hole. (He was breaking and entering in search of, guess what, more honey.) While stuck in the hole, with his friends desperately trying to unstick him, all he can think about is how he can possibly get more honey. WHILE HE IS STUCK THERE. This bear has a serious monkey on his back. A honey monkey, and it’s not going away. It’s time for an intervention.

Which brings us to Rabbit. Don’t look for any help there, Rabbit is not just an enabler, he’s practically his dealer. Sure, he makes a show of trying to hide his honey from Pooh, but it never works out. Pooh always finds the honey. Now Rabbit can handle his honey, no problem there, but as Pooh’s friend he’s not doing the bear any favors by continuing to supply him. Nine times out of ten, when Winnie is off on a honey bender, it’s Rabbit’s honey he is bending on.

Speaking of enablers, Piglet’s no help either. At least he’s not supplying him, but the most he ever does is an extremely timid, “Oh gee, I don’t think we ought to do that…” half baked protest, which the bear completely ignores, and Piglet goes on to continue helping Pooh with whatever misguided scheme he’s cooked up to score more honey. Piglet’s fear of losing his friend is completely overshadowing his responsibility to that friend. He will go along with literally anything, just to appease him. Co-dependent much, Piglet?

Then there’s Eeyore, the clinically depressed donkey. That’s some classic textbook depression going on there. It’s time to remove his belt and shoelaces. He is “this far” from becoming just another statistic, but do his friends help him? No, they’re far too self-absorbed to care about old Eeyore. Oh sure, they throw him a party. Once. But is that what he really needs? No. He doesn’t need a party. He doesn’t need to “just cheer up”. He needs help, professional help. HE NEEDS THERAPY. And maybe new friends. But definitely therapy. And by the way, that whole live version of “pin the tail on the donkey” game they play with him. That just seems cruel.

On the subject of professionals, let’s turn to Owl, the intellectual elitist of the group. You would think he could help, right? No. Typical elitist, obsessed with all the wrong things, completely detached from the lives of common people around him, he offers nothing but absurd useless ideas that, while they might sound good on paper, to other elitists, in the real world they just fall flat. They don’t work. They don’t help. Go back to school you egghead, you’re not helping anyone. And take that self-important, condescending attitude with you.

Speaking of needing help, consider Kanga and Roo. Kanga, a single mother, struggling to get by, and Roo, her attention-deficit, hyperactive-disorder handful of a child. Kanga is a delightful woman, and she does the best she can. They’re getting by. Barely. But they could sure use some help now and then. But with this lot, does anyone even offer to babysit? No. But who could blame them, that Roo, he’s a nice kid, but he is a handful. Kid definitely needs medication.

Speaking of irresponsible. What’s up with Tigger. Bouncing around from place to place, unemployed, no prospects, no visible means of support. Yeah, sure, he lives “in the moment”, but you’ve got to give some thought to you’re future, don’t you? Come on, my tigga, you just gonna bounce around your whole life, mooching off others? That’s no way to live. Get a job!

It all makes me wonder… Christopher Robin, just how bad is your life that this, this collection of characters, is where you go to escape? I mean, yeah they’re nice and all, but… these guys are messed up. Eh, nevermind. Maybe it’s time I got back to the real world now. This Hundred Acre Hood is just too much to deal with.

Introducing: A New Service for Modern America

Has this happened to you?

Minding your own business, waiting in Starbucks for your friend to arrive, and they call the police to come and arrest you?

Playing basketball, in the gym, where you’re a member in good standing, and the management asks you to leave, then calls the cops?

Playing golf with your girlfriends, and the golf course calls the cops because you’re playing too slowly?

A restaurant manager asks you to leave, because he doesn’t like you, and wants to give your table to someone else?

You check out of your AirBnB, and the neighbor lady sees you packing your car and calls the cops?

You’re touring a university, and someone’s mom gets nervous and calls the cops, all because you seem too quiet?

Believe it or not, all of these things really happened, and they all have one thing in common.  That one thing?  The persons they happened too were not white.  Ah, that explains it, you say.  These things would never happen to white folks.

You’re right, and that fact is exactly why I am proud to announce my new service:  Rent-A-White-Guy™.

If you’re a person of color, Rent-A-White-Guy™, for a nominal fee, will provide you with a white guy to accompany you on your next outing, event, or excursion.  Why risk a hassle with the police or unfriendly locals, when it can all be avoided with a simple “Don’t worry, they’re with me” from one of our friendly respectable white guys.

Our white guys are all sensitivity trained and culturally certified, and come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes to suit your needs.  Rent by the hour or by the day.  Volume discounts are available.  Call today for a free quote.

And remember:  A White Guy:  Don’t leave home without him.


About Alzheimer’s Disease

The thing about Alzheimer’s is not that it kills you. It doesn’t kill you, not right away. Most people with Alzheimer’s will die of some other condition, no doubt made deadly by the progression of Alzheimer’s, but not Alzheimer’s itself. Of course if nothing else gets you, Alzheimer’s will eventually do you in, but… that’s not the thing. If all it did was kill you, that would be a kindness.

Instead, Alzheimer’s will slowly and steadily steal your memories, steal your knowledge and your skills, your relationships, your personality, your mind, your very soul. It doesn’t kill you. No, it destroys you. It erases you. Piece. By. Piece.

At first it takes the recent memories, then the not so recent memories, then older memories, then older still. People, places, events, all gone. The happy moments, the sad moments, all of it, one at a time. Gone. At the end, if you survive, all that is left is maybe a few distant memories from early childhood.

At first it will cause a little confusion, maybe you don’t know where your keys are, or your glasses. Then you can’t remember if you ate, or if you’re hungry. Then you can’t remember the words to put together your thoughts. Then you can’t remember your thoughts.

At first it you forget the names and faces of your doctors, and your nurses. Then your children. Then your spouse. Then your brothers and sisters. Your family, the only ones would could offer you help or comfort, are gone now, replaced by these strangers who seem nice enough, and they seem to know you, but that means nothing, you don’t know them. Everyone you’ve ever known or loved is stripped away from you, one by one, like they never existed. Everyone. You are left to face your fear and confusion alone. Alone. Totally, utterly alone.

Think about that for a second. In a room, surrounded by friends and family, who love you like no other, you are totally and utterly alone. You must now face your end alone, lost in a sea of strangers.

I’ve lost friends and family to cancer, but you know what? Fuck cancer. At least it has the decency to just kill you. Maybe slowly, maybe fast, but it kills you. It doesn’t dismantle your mind, take apart your very being bit by bit, while it patiently waits for you to die. Cancer is a cute fluffy kitten compared to Alzheimer’s.

Alzheimer’s is pure fucking evil. It is cruel and heartless. It is relentless, and without mercy. It is insidious. It will likely take someone you know. And it will tear them apart, in tiny little pieces, until there is nothing left. It. Must. Be. Stopped.

Post Script:  Dorothy Wiggins was on of over 82,000 people in the US killed by Alzheimer’s in 2008.  Today Alzheimer’s is the 6th leading cause of death in the US, killing nearly 100,000 Americans every year.  Advances have been made, but there still is no cure, and existing treatments only slow the progressing of the disease.  It will still kill you.  Follow this link if you would like to donate to the Alzheimer’s Association

Post Post Script:  Thank you, Seth Rogen, for testifying before Congress, and for using your celebrity to raise awareness.