Random Thoughts – Page 7

Easy-Bake Oven

A recent discussion on kids and gender identity reminded me of an incident from my childhood.

When I was a little kid, I wanted an Easy-Bake Oven. Now, my parents were generally pretty tolerant of whatever weirdness I threw at them, but apparently this is where they drew the line. I can picture my dad saying “No son of mine is going to play with an Easy-Bake Oven.”

But…. I don’t think they “got” why I wanted it. It’s not that I wanted to play housewife, pretending I was cooking and baking in the kitchen all day. (Not that there would be anything wrong with it if I did, but that wasn’t it.) Here’s the thing: These things made REAL cakes.

Now, mom might bake a cake once in a blue moon, and I understood they were a lot of trouble to make, but they were delicious. But now, thanks to modern toy science, here was this machine, made just for kids, that could bake a little tiny cake. I could make it myself. All by myself. At any time. Think about it… I could have cake ANY TIME I WANTED. I love cake. This. Changed. Everything.

Seriously, this was a game-changer. No more waiting, no more begging mom, I could have cake whenever I wanted, thanks to this little miracle of a machine. I didn’t know exactly how it worked, but if kids could do it, how hard could it be? I was excited, downright giddy over the possibilities.

But alas, it was never to be. I never got my Easy-Bake Oven. And all because they just didn’t understand. I didn’t want to play at being a mom. I just wanted cake.

An IT Story

True story… My very first job in IT. My very first day at work. I met my team leader, a lovely woman named Mavis, my manager, whom I don’t remember, and everyone in the office, including our lead technical guy, a “Senior Engineer” named John Popp. I mention his name only because I will never forget it, because of this story.

He was an older guy (well to me then anyway), and was presented as THE go-to guy for all things technical. I don’t remember if they used the word “guru”, but you get the idea. We talked for a while in his office, but then it was time for me to actually log in to the system and start doing some real work. But, being my first day, they didn’t have an account set up for me yet. John Popp kindly volunteered to let me use his account until mine was ready. Fantastic, I was all set. Username? “johnpopp”. Great. Password? “johnpopp”. … …. ….. I was stunned for a moment. The only thought that came to mind was “Really?” but I at least had the sense not to say that out loud.

And THAT was my very first experience with the realities of the IT world. (For what it’s worth, not much has changed since then.)

Happy Holidays 2014

It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and already people have started that beloved annual Christmas tradition — belittling people and especially businesses who say “Happy Holidays”.

So I thought maybe I should get my “Happy Holidays” rant out of the way early this year, so here goes…

It’s not about fear of offending someone, it’s about being inclusive. It’s about a business valuing all of their customers, not just the Christian ones. It’s saying to everyone, “I don’t know what holiday you celebrate, but whatever it is I wish you happiness as you celebrate it.”

Only in America would people get upset about trying to wish happiness to everyone. Shame on you Christians, trying to keep all the holiday happiness for yourselves. Learn to share. Maybe be welcoming and friendly to others who aren’t like you. I think maybe Jesus would like that.

(Just guessing on that last part, based on what I’ve read about him — I’m not like hearing voices in my head or anything.)

Anywho…. Happy Holidays Everyone!

Hey NBC…

Hey NBC, let me just rant here a little bit. I can’t help but notice you’re promoting the hell out of the second season of “The Blacklist”. Good for you (they probably could have used it the first season, but hey, water under the bridge, right?). Anywho, It looks like an interesting show, something I might enjoy, and I think James Spader is just swell. So I’m thinking, let me go back and binge the first season, and if I like it, I’ll be all set for the season two premier.

I wonder if you’re sensing the problem yet… So off I go to NBC on demand, and what do I find? Last season? No, just the last five episodes. That’s no good, I don’t want to jump in at the end of the season – I want to start from the beginning. (Call me OCD, but I hate starting in the middle.) Okay, let’s try NBC.com. Same thing. Wait, what a bout Hulu, that’s where put all this stuff now, right? Nope, just those same five episodes.

Alright, fine, lets widen the search…. There it is! On Amazon. I’ve got Prime, perfect! Wait? What? It’s not Prime, you have to buy the whole season? For $35?? Are you freaking kidding me? You honestly think I’m going to spend $35 on a show I’ve never heard of, just to see if I like it or not?

Screw you, NBC. If it’s half as good as you say it is, it’ll turn up eventually on Netflix or Amazon Prime. Guess what, I can wait. That’s where I spend 80% of my viewing time anyway. If you don’t care enough to make previous seasons available now, why should I care about jumping on board, and watching it “live”.

Maybe one day you pinheads will learn how to use streaming to actually build an audience. Maybe, clearly you’re too afraid of it now to use it effectively. That’s too bad — missed opportunity. By the way, if you don’t figure it out soon, there’s a good chance your competitors will. Or not, they’re pretty dumb too. Either way, good luck staying relevant.

Decades

Random thought for today: Occasionally I hear people, my age or older, talk about how great the drugs were back in the 60’s or 70’s. Consider this, if you will: The most popular poster in the 60’s was Marilyn Monroe. From the 70’s, the iconic Farrah Fawcett. Now, you know what the best selling posters were from the 1980’s? ALF and Spuds MacKenzie. Think that through for a moment. ALF. And Spuds MacKenzie. Now which decade do you think had the best drugs?

Happy Easter

A little over 2,000 years ago the Romans executed a religious leader for political crimes. His followers believed he rose from the dead three days later. This event became the defining moment of the new religion, and over the years many others would come to believe. Within a few hundred years it would become the official religion of the Roman Empire. Within a thousand years it would become the most widely practiced religion on the planet, and it continues to be to this day.

Today we commemorate this single momentous event by having our small children search for brightly colored eggs hidden in the grass by a magical bunny. Everyone accepts this as normal, despite the fact that no one can establish a plausible connection between the executed religious leader and either brightly colored eggs or magical bunnies.

Still, the resulting holiday gives us an opportunity to dress up, gather with family, reconnect with our beliefs, and eat lots of candy and chocolate in the shape of eggs and magical bunnies (but strangely none in the shape of an executed religious leader), so on the whole it makes for a nice day.

Happy Easter Everybody!

The Thing About Alzheimer’s… (Thank You, Seth Rogen)

The thing about Alzheimer’s is not that it kills you. It doesn’t kill you, not right away. Most people with Alzheimer’s will die of some other condition, no doubt made deadly by the progression of Alzheimer’s, but not Alzheimer’s itself. Of course if nothing else gets you, Alzheimer’s will eventually do you in, but… that’s not the thing. If all it did was kill you, that would be a kindness.

Instead, Alzheimer’s will slowly and steadily steal your memories, steal your knowledge and your skills, your relationships, your personality, your mind, your very soul. It doesn’t kill you. No, it destroys you. It erases you. Piece. By. Piece.

At first it takes the recent memories, then the not so recent memories, then older memories, then older still. People, places, events, all gone. The happy moments, the sad moments, all of it, one at a time. Gone. At the end, if you survive, all that is left is maybe a few distant memories from early childhood.

At first it will cause a little confusion, maybe you don’t know where your keys are, or your glasses. Then you can’t remember if you ate, or if you’re hungry. Then you can’t remember the words to put together your thoughts. Then you can’t remember your thoughts.

At first it you forget the names and faces of your doctors, and your nurses. Then your children. Then your spouse. Then your brothers and sisters. Your family, the only ones would could offer you help or comfort, are gone now, replaced by these strangers who seem nice enough, and they seem to know you, but that means nothing, you don’t know them. Everyone you’ve ever known or loved is stripped away from you, one by one, like they never existed. Everyone. You are left to face your fear and confusion alone. Alone. Totally, utterly alone.

Think about that for a second. In a room, surrounded by friends and family, who love you like no other, you are totally and utterly alone. You must now face your end alone, lost in a sea of strangers.

I’ve lost friends and family to cancer, but you know what? Fuck cancer. At least it has the decency to just kill you. Maybe slowly, maybe fast, but it kills you. It doesn’t dismantle your mind, take apart your very being bit by bit, while it patiently waits for you to die. Cancer is a cute fluffy kitten compared to Alzheimer’s.

Alzheimer’s is pure fucking evil. It is cruel and heartless. It is relentless, and without mercy. It is insidious. It will likely take someone you know. And it will tear them apart, in tiny little pieces, until there is nothing left. It. Must. Be. Stopped.

Thank you Seth Rogen, for your voice, and your support.

“Happy Holidays”

First, let me preface by saying, I don’t get offended when people say “Happy Holidays”, and I don’t get offended when people say “Merry Christmas”. I do get annoyed by people who insist that only one greeting is correct, and who take offense if they do not receive their correct greeting. Otherwise I think this whole greeting thing is blown way out of proportion and people should just lighten up and be glad people are actually talking nicely to each other for a change.

I said all that just so I could say this. I saw a “Happy Holidays” sign today…. wait for it…. at a Christmas Tree lot.

I would think that out of all the places in the world where you might be inclined to say “Merry Christmas” in a retail environment, the one place where you would actually WANT to would be where the ONLY thing you sell is Christmas Trees. But that’s just me….

Bold Longing, part 2

More mystery email. I really would like pounds of cash wads for all my picnics…

Everybody without exceptions wants to be prosperous even if he or she laughs at the fact.

With all that persons cannot stand to be responsible for their own well being and work every single day.

By all means, we do not grant you pounds of cash wads but with our simple and understandable approach you can say “goodbye” to strict limits that you have now.

Find some time and teach yourself to receive quick money plainly within hours.

You will always receive enough for emergency presents, parties, picnics and pleasure trips and your life will become brighter.

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Bold Longings

So I got this in an email. It’s like they’re speaking directly to me – I have bold longings, I want a delightful mass of green bucks…

It is problematic to fit into your usual budget without saying “no” to your vivid dreams and bold longings that demand unplanned expenditures.

At least you are doubtless it is problematic and lucky guys who know little secrets wish you to go on thinking this way.

Of course, you are right to believe that there are effortless and rapid ways of earning delightful mass of green bucks that can be used for fun, recreation and delight.

You can learn how to become wealthier and happier.

Forget about your usual doubts use the given link and learn all you have to know:
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