Happy Easter

A little over 2,000 years ago the Romans executed a religious leader for political crimes. His followers believed he rose from the dead three days later. This event became the defining moment of the new religion, and over the years many others would come to believe. Within a few hundred years it would become the official religion of the Roman Empire. Within a thousand years it would become the most widely practiced religion on the planet, and it continues to be to this day.

Today we commemorate this single momentous event by having our small children search for brightly colored eggs hidden in the grass by a magical bunny. Everyone accepts this as normal, despite the fact that no one can establish a plausible connection between the executed religious leader and either brightly colored eggs or magical bunnies.

Still, the resulting holiday gives us an opportunity to dress up, gather with family, reconnect with our beliefs, and eat lots of candy and chocolate in the shape of eggs and magical bunnies (but strangely none in the shape of an executed religious leader), so on the whole it makes for a nice day.

Happy Easter Everybody!

Science (GMO’s)

I’ve had the same thoughts rattling around in my head the past few days, but Vanessa Miller put it in words much better than I could…

The American Association for the Advancement of Science, the AAAS Board said, the World Health Organization, the American Medical Association, the U.S. National Academy of Sciences, the British Royal Society, and ‘every other respected organization that has examined the evidence has come to the same conclusion: consuming foods containing ingredients derived from GM crops is no riskier than consuming the same foods containing ingredients from crop plants modified by conventional plant improvement techniques.

20 years of testing has found nothing. So we either make our crops stronger or we douse them in poisons that we know are harmful to us and the environment.

I choose science!

— Vanessa Miller

What should we do about Crimea?

Seems like everybody’s talking about what the US should do about Crimea. And by everybody, I mean mostly the 24 hour news-o-tainment channels, but they’re all asking: What should the US do about Crimea? What should the US do about Ukraine? What should the US do about Russia? What should the US do about Putin? What should the US do? You wanna know what the US should do? I’ll tell you what the US should do. Fuck All. That’s what we should do. We should do fuck all about Crimea. We have no interest in Crimea. None. Zero. It is simply none of our business.

You know who has an interest in Crimea? Crimeans, they live there. You know who else has an interest? Ukraine, it’s part of their country. You know who else? Russia, apparently most Crimeans are ethnically Russian (whatever that means). And you know who else? Europe. Sort of. Well, Crimea is Europe-adjacent. And they are a trading partner with Ukraine. And with Russia. So, yes, Europe has some interest in Crimea.

But you know who has no interest in Crimea? Trinidad and Tobago. They have no interest. None. You know who else has no interest? Papua New Guinea. They have no interest either. You know who else? The United States. Do we trade with Ukraine? No, not really. Is Ukraine a member of NATO? No, not yet anyway. Do we have some other defense treaty with Ukraine? No, we do not. Do we have any kind of friendship or special relationship with Ukraine? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Has Ukraine even asked us to do anything? No, they have not. Has anybody, outside of Fox News? No.

So here’s what we should do. We should stay the fuck out of it. All the way the fuck out of it. We should tell Ukraine, Russia, and Crimea, “Look, you guys work it out amongst yourselves, alright? We’ll be over here fracking around for oil. You just let us know what you decide. ‘kay? Cool.”

The Thing About Alzheimer’s… (Thank You, Seth Rogen)

The thing about Alzheimer’s is not that it kills you. It doesn’t kill you, not right away. Most people with Alzheimer’s will die of some other condition, no doubt made deadly by the progression of Alzheimer’s, but not Alzheimer’s itself. Of course if nothing else gets you, Alzheimer’s will eventually do you in, but… that’s not the thing. If all it did was kill you, that would be a kindness.

Instead, Alzheimer’s will slowly and steadily steal your memories, steal your knowledge and your skills, your relationships, your personality, your mind, your very soul. It doesn’t kill you. No, it destroys you. It erases you. Piece. By. Piece.

At first it takes the recent memories, then the not so recent memories, then older memories, then older still. People, places, events, all gone. The happy moments, the sad moments, all of it, one at a time. Gone. At the end, if you survive, all that is left is maybe a few distant memories from early childhood.

At first it will cause a little confusion, maybe you don’t know where your keys are, or your glasses. Then you can’t remember if you ate, or if you’re hungry. Then you can’t remember the words to put together your thoughts. Then you can’t remember your thoughts.

At first it you forget the names and faces of your doctors, and your nurses. Then your children. Then your spouse. Then your brothers and sisters. Your family, the only ones would could offer you help or comfort, are gone now, replaced by these strangers who seem nice enough, and they seem to know you, but that means nothing, you don’t know them. Everyone you’ve ever known or loved is stripped away from you, one by one, like they never existed. Everyone. You are left to face your fear and confusion alone. Alone. Totally, utterly alone.

Think about that for a second. In a room, surrounded by friends and family, who love you like no other, you are totally and utterly alone. You must now face your end alone, lost in a sea of strangers.

I’ve lost friends and family to cancer, but you know what? Fuck cancer. At least it has the decency to just kill you. Maybe slowly, maybe fast, but it kills you. It doesn’t dismantle your mind, take apart your very being bit by bit, while it patiently waits for you to die. Cancer is a cute fluffy kitten compared to Alzheimer’s.

Alzheimer’s is pure fucking evil. It is cruel and heartless. It is relentless, and without mercy. It is insidious. It will likely take someone you know. And it will tear them apart, in tiny little pieces, until there is nothing left. It. Must. Be. Stopped.

Thank you Seth Rogen, for your voice, and your support.

Duck Dynasty

A few random thoughts on this whole Duck Dynasty nonsense…

1. Yes, Phil Robertson is entitled to his opinion, regardless of how backwoods bible-thumping ignorant it may be. Seriously, have you seen the show – what did you expect?

2. Yes, A&E is entitled to fire him. They haven’t yet, he’s only been “suspended”, whatever that means, but if they decide Phil’s opinions do not represent A&E in a way they would like to be represented, they are within their rights to fire him. (If Phil worked for me, as a public representative of my business, I would fire him, or at least strongly consider it.)

3. Yes, freedom of speech still exists. Freedom of speech means the government cannot throw you in jail for something you say publicly (or privately). It does NOT mean you are guaranteed to keep your job. You are not. Don’t believe me, try saying something derogatory about your employer and see what happens. No one is going to throw Phil in jail for any dumb ass thing he’s said in GQ magazine.

4. Bigotry is NOT faith. It is bigotry. Now I don’t know whether Phil Robertson has hate in his heart, and I don’t really care, that’s between him and his god. But, to blindly defend bigoted attitudes by saying it’s “faith” is a cop-out. It wasn’t that long ago that many southerners defended segregation as being part of their “faith”. Mixed race relationships were condemned as a sin, and churches refused to perform mixed race weddings. All as an expression of “faith”. Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but… it was bullshit then, and it’s bullshit now.

5. If you want to follow Jesus, read what he wrote. He was all about acceptance and love, not condemnation and hate. On the other hand, if you want to follow the teachings of the old testament, like the ones Phil quoted, read the whole old testament and learn to follow ALL of the teachings. Don’t just pick out the ones that support your ignorant ass opinion. Say goodbye to bacon and lobster, and for god’s sake stop wearing cotton and linen together. And don’t get me started on the sin of crop rotation. And if you got a tattoo, oh well, you’re pretty much screwed.

6. Religion based on hate and condemnation is a cancer on society. Period. I don’t care which god they purport to serve. If you’re not sure about what your church teaches, ask yourself, does it all come down to love and acceptance, or does it come down condemnation and punishment. If it’s the latter, and you’re okay with that, do me a favor and just go ahead and reach for that “unfriend” button right now. The older I get the less patience I have for that kind of nonsense in my life.

“Happy Holidays”

First, let me preface by saying, I don’t get offended when people say “Happy Holidays”, and I don’t get offended when people say “Merry Christmas”. I do get annoyed by people who insist that only one greeting is correct, and who take offense if they do not receive their correct greeting. Otherwise I think this whole greeting thing is blown way out of proportion and people should just lighten up and be glad people are actually talking nicely to each other for a change.

I said all that just so I could say this. I saw a “Happy Holidays” sign today…. wait for it…. at a Christmas Tree lot.

I would think that out of all the places in the world where you might be inclined to say “Merry Christmas” in a retail environment, the one place where you would actually WANT to would be where the ONLY thing you sell is Christmas Trees. But that’s just me….

Bold Longing, part 2

More mystery email. I really would like pounds of cash wads for all my picnics…

Everybody without exceptions wants to be prosperous even if he or she laughs at the fact.

With all that persons cannot stand to be responsible for their own well being and work every single day.

By all means, we do not grant you pounds of cash wads but with our simple and understandable approach you can say “goodbye” to strict limits that you have now.

Find some time and teach yourself to receive quick money plainly within hours.

You will always receive enough for emergency presents, parties, picnics and pleasure trips and your life will become brighter.

Follow here for more details
<link removed>

Bold Longings

So I got this in an email. It’s like they’re speaking directly to me – I have bold longings, I want a delightful mass of green bucks…

It is problematic to fit into your usual budget without saying “no” to your vivid dreams and bold longings that demand unplanned expenditures.

At least you are doubtless it is problematic and lucky guys who know little secrets wish you to go on thinking this way.

Of course, you are right to believe that there are effortless and rapid ways of earning delightful mass of green bucks that can be used for fun, recreation and delight.

You can learn how to become wealthier and happier.

Forget about your usual doubts use the given link and learn all you have to know:
<link removed>

The Southern Class System

Recent comments on the seeming inequity of how the “Stand Your Ground” law is applied in Florida have been popping up all over the Internet. Some seem confused or surprised by the results, but to me it seemed a perfectly logical, albeit inherently unfair, and frequently sad, outcome.

What people are failing to recognize is this: Even though we like to think of ourselves as a “classless” society, and that we are all equal under the law, the southern class system, as old as the South itself, still plays a large role in everyday life in much of Florida. This is no more true anywhere than in the way criminal law is applied in our courts.

I suppose I’ve spent so much time living here that I just sort of assumed everyone knew how things really worked, but if you don’t understand the southern class system, I imagine much of what happens in the Florida courts will be a complete mystery to you.

Please understand – I do NOT advocate this class system, I would like very much for it to become a thing of the past. I am documenting it here so that we can all recognize it for what it is – and if we see it, and know it, and become aware of it, we can work to remove it, and maybe one day realize our ideals of true equality under the law.

So, this is meant to educate, not to offend. Apologies in advance to any of you who don’t know me or understand this concept. Anyhow, it goes something like this.

 

The Southern Class System
=====================

White Males
Horses
Hunting Dogs
White Women
Cattle
English Speaking Foreigners (Brits, Aussies, etc)
Other Proper Foreigners (Germans, Swiss, etc)
Frenchmen
Irishmen, Italians, and Poles
Other Farm Animals
Chinamen and Mexicans
Northerners
Dark-skinned people who aren’t really Black Folk
Black Folk
Ticks, Fleas, and other Parasites
The Devil Himself
Carpet-Baggers (a specific type of Northerner)

NOTES:
1. You may notice Gays are not included, they would be classified under “Frenchmen”.
2. Jews do not require a separate classification, most of them are already “Northerners” anyway.
3. After 1945 change “Carpet-Baggers” to “Commie Pinkos”.

R.I.P. Defense of Marriage Act

So the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), yet somehow miraculously my marriage has stayed completely intact, despite my being a man married to a women. Wait, let me check… …. yep, sanctity levels holding stable. For reasons unknown, my marriage seems strangely unaffected by others now being able to marry.

Maybe, just maybe, my marriage didn’t need defending after all. (Thanks anyway Mr. Clinton.) Maybe government has no business telling me, or anyone else, who I can and can’t love. Maybe my individual freedoms are important enough to be protected from those who would deny them to me.

We’ve come a long way since our founding fathers first spoke of freedom and liberty. All along the way we’ve found various ways to deny certain others the freedoms we cherish for ourselves. But today, we take one step closer to the ideal, another barrier was removed, a wrong righted, a freedom restored.

Today I am proud to be an American. I plan to enjoy this feeling all day. We don’t get many days like this anymore. (Someone cue up the Lee Greenwood.)