Branding

It occurs to me….

If you don’t hate poor people, you’re branded a “liberal”.

If you don’t hate rich people, you’re branded a “conservative”.

So two questions…

1) When did we begin defining our political affiliations based on hate?

and more importantly….

2) I don’t hate poor people. I don’t hate rich people. On the other hand, I do hate people in general. What does that make me, politically speaking?

Super Bowl Halftime Show

Just an observation…

As I’ve been browsing facebook today, I’ve noticed a lot of comments along the lines of Beyonce’s outfit was inappropriate, or the lyrics were not appropriate, or they were offended by the “black panther” style costumes or “black power” gestures. And something occurred to me.

These are the very same people, in many cases, that complain about people today are too easily offended, that people are too sensitive to every little thing, that political correctness has run amok, and political correctness is just ruining this country. We need to say no to political correctness, speak our minds, stop filtering, and stop worrying so much about offending others.

So what I’ve gathered is this. When white people say or do something inappropriate, black people need to calm down and not get so offended by it, don’t be so sensitive, after all it’s a free country, and we’re not hurting nobody, and we’re all free to express ourselves any way we like.

But when black people say or do something inappropriate, black people need to realize what they’re doing is offensive to others, this is not the right time or place, and they need to take that somewhere else, or keep it to themselves, because we don’t want to see it. Show some sensitivity. That there are boundaries and decorum and folks shouldn’t just go around willy-nilly expressing themselves any way they like.

Again, just an observation, feel free to discuss…

The Shining City upon a Hill

I’ve spoken of the shining city all my political life, but I don’t know if I ever quite communicated what I saw when I said it. But in my mind it was a tall proud city built on rocks stronger than oceans, wind-swept, God-blessed, and teeming with people of all kinds living in harmony and peace, a city with free ports that hummed with commerce and creativity, and if there had to be city walls, the walls had doors and the doors were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here. That’s how I saw it and see it still.

— Ronald Reagan

David Bowie Nearly Ruined My Marriage

David Bowie nearly ruined my marriage. Or more accurately, David Bowie very nearly caused my marriage to never be.

Back in the late 80’s, when I was still in college, I went to see David Bowie at Tampa Stadium. It was part of his “Glass Spider” tour, and it was magnificent. I went with my roommate’s girlfriend — she loved Bowie, he did not — but everyone involved understood this was just two friends going to a concert, nothing more. Well, almost everyone — more on that later.

At the show, on a lark, we bought matching T-shirts, and changed into them immediately. We both liked the same design, and didn’t really care what anyone thought about it. Plus we though it would be kinda funny when we caught up with the rest of “the gang” after the show.

I was looking forward to catching up with the gang after the show, because Kathy (you know her today as Kat) was going to be there. She was the friend of the girlfriend of a different roommate. We had met twice before, several months prior, under complicated circumstances when neither of us were available, but that had all changed since then, for both of us.

What no one in our little gang, myself included, had thought of, was this: Kat had never met my roommate’s girlfriend, and nobody thought to tell her who she was, or more importantly, whose girlfriend she was.

I don’t remember exactly where we were all meeting after the show, but I think it was the bowling alley. In any case, in we burst, wearing matching T-shirts, and absolutely exuberant from having witnessed one of the best concerts ever in the history of rock-and-roll.

Kat, in the absence of any contradictory information, immediately assumed this girl was MY girlfriend. Me, with my keen and highly tuned observational skills, noticed something was amiss about two hours later. I thought I was just off my game. Weak though it usually was, I did have some game. I had no idea I had literally cock-blocked myself.

It took several weeks, plus some well timed smooching and kanoodling on the part of my roommate and his girlfriend, to convince Kat that this girl and I were not involved, had never been involved, and would never be involved. During this time she convinced me that the matching T-shirt idea had been a terribly grievous error in judgment on my part, despite any assertions to the contrary on my part. But, convince we did, and after those several weeks we were firmly back on track to becoming the happy couple you know today.

Still, that was an amazing concert. So thank you for that, David Bowie!

It’s ONE day… (Thanksgiving)

It’s Thanksgiving tomorrow. Stay home. Be with the ones you love. Let the retailers do the same…

(A few words from a retailer and dear friend of mine…)

It’s ONE day. I’m a retailer. I’m a capitalist. I NEED people to shop. But I’ve already given up my Sundays with my family for working for a public that is also working so much that often they only have Sundays to shop together, but I’m also willing to say in a public forum that I’m not happy about the Sunday work, not one little bit. But Thanksgiving has been set aside for thankfulness, contemplation, and reflection. It is SUPPOSED to be a pause-and-think moment. In even small-town American, I now work New Year’s Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, etc. You’ll literally have to shoot me before I work on Christmas Day and Easter, but this nation has lost the meaning of this holiday. Shame on everyone shopping. No, I am not condemning the stores opening. In many cases, if they closed and lost those sales to competitors in this economy, it could mean business death. SHAME ON THE SHOPPERS. Knock it off! STOP! It is ONE DAY! I’ll be working every day, literally EVERY day, from Friday morning until Christmas Day. You’ll have ample opportunity to shop, and our economy and us business owners depend upon it. But just this ONE day, stop and be thankful, and let many of us have just one day off work, something for which some of us are more thankful than some shoppers must realize.

— Jeff Haddan

The Big EE-EL (So you say it’s your birthday?)

Today I complete yet another trip around the sun. This year I’ve decided to state my age in Roman numerals. I am “L” years old. That’s right, the big EE-EL. I figure I might as well, this is only the fourth time in my life that I can express my age as a single Roman numeral, and my odds of making it to a fifth one ain’t that great.

I’ll probably do a more in-depth look back at my half century later, but for now I’ll just leave you with this… When I was born, L years ago, there was a Texan in the White House, taking the blame for our involvement in an unpopular war on the other side of the world. The middle east was in turmoil, and the Palestinians and Israelis were constantly attacking each other. Back home there was racial unrest, protests on college campuses, and police across the country were under scrutiny for their treatment of black people. The most popular show on TV followed the wacky exploits of a group of backwoods rednecks who suddenly found fame and fortune, and in the movie theaters James Bond was back in his latest adventure, this time battling SPECTRE.

Yep, times sure have changed a lot since I was born.

The Walking Dead — What Happened to Glen, Dammit?

America: Okay TWD, We’ve been waiting all week. We have to know. Glen, is he… ?

TWD: You seem agitated, maybe now is a good time to take a break How about a nice soothing flashback. Here, let’s find out Morgan’s story.

America: What? wait… no….

TWD: Remember when Morgan was all bat-shit crazy? Then this happened…

(90 minutes later)

America: Okay…. yeah… that was interesting, I guess….

TWD: You’re welcome..

America: BUT WTF? WHAT HAPPENED TO GLEN?

TWD: You seem agitated…

Cecil the Lion

Okay, I swore to myself I wasn’t going to comment on the whole Cecil the Lion thing, but… I think we all knew that wasn’t going to happen, so, here goes…

First, let me say I have no problem with hunting in general. Life feeds on life. That is literally a fact of life. To live, something must die, even it it’s a plant. And since I have no intention of becoming a vegetarian, that means animals.

That said, I do believe we have a sacred responsibility to treat animals humanely while they are alive, and kill them humanely when we are ready to eat them. This means, if we are going to kill an animal, either as the butcher or the hunter, we do it quickly and cleanly, with as little pain and fear as possible.

If you’re wondering, no, I don’t hunt myself. Not for any moral reason. I don’t hunt mostly because I’m not much of a morning person. I’m also not a very woodsy person. And I’m definitely not much of a rip the gushy squishy insides out of a dead animal so I can eat it later person. And I don’t cook. Look, I could. I know how to do all of those things, I just don’t want to. I prefer to leave it to the professionals, and those enthusiastic amateurs who actually enjoy it. Have at it.

So like I said, I have no problem with hunting, especially deer or boar or turkey or the like, because they are both plentiful and tasty. But we need boundaries. There are some things we probably should not hunt…

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, you should never, ever, hunt anything named “Cecil”. Why? Because anything named “Cecil” is probably adorable, like totally adorable, and if you kill it, people will hate you.

Next, let’s say don’t hunt endangered animals. Why? Because they’re fucking endangered. Seriously, how are we not grasping this concept? Endangered. As in, there’s not enough of them. Don’t kill the few we have left.

Lastly, let me say, if you enjoy the challenge and accomplishment of going out and hunting and killing your own food and preparing and providing it to your family and friends, good for you — that’s what a hunter does. We will seek you out when the apocalypse comes.

But, if you enjoy going out and killing things just for the sake of killing them, we have a word for people like that. We call those people “psychopaths”.

Outrageous Wages

Dunkin Donuts CEO Nigel Travis says a $15 wage for food workers is “absolutely outrageous”.

Last year Nigel Travis made $10,204,803.

That’s nearly $5,000 an hour. ($4906.15 to be exact)

If you made $15 and hour working full time, you would make $31,200 a year.

Nigel will earn $31,200 in about six and a half hours.

You know what I think is outrageous? Making more money in one day than your workers will make all year, and then complaining that THEY are paid too much.

Heaven, God’s Office

SCENE: Heaven, God’s Office

God: Hey Jesus, you got a minute?

Jesus: Sure Dad, what’s up?

God: Sometimes I just don’t understand these people. You’ve been down there, help me out here…

Jesus: What did they do this time?

God: There’s this one guy, see. He’s been praying and praying for months now, wants help with his business, sales are down, he’s losing money, just on and on and on right?

Jesus: Gee Dad, that sounds like a legit request.

God: Well, sure it is, that’s not the problem

Jesus: Then what’s the problem.

God: Okay, so I go to help him right. He’s this baker, does wedding cakes, that’s his specialty, but nobody’s getting married. So I think, hey, where’s the next big untapped marked for wedding cakes?

Jesus: Oh, Dad, you didn’t….

God: Sure I did. Why not….

Jesus: The gays?

God: Sure, the gays, there’s been plenty of “being fruitful and multiplying”, I figure it’s their time.

Jesus: So, you…

God: So I moved a few hearts on the Supreme Court, bada-bing, next thing you know, you’ve got gay weddings out the wazoo.

Jesus: Okay, well… win-win I suppose… What’s the problem

God: This guy, this baker guy, he won’t serve the gays. He won’t sell them a cake. Says you told him not to.

Jesus: Hey, I never said…

God: I know, I know…. but he thinks you did, and that’s all it takes, right?

Jesus: But I LOVE weddings, remember the wine trick?

God: Son, everybody remembers the wine trick, it was epic, but this guy, he thinks he can’t sell a cake to the gays because you said so. And now he’s missing out on all this extra business I brought him, and his business, well it’s headed straight down the crapper.

Jesus: Okay, so, I’m afraid to ask but… What do you me to do about it

God: Could you, you know maybe, just go down there and talk to him?

Jesus: GO DOWN THERE?!

God: Just a quick trip, you’re in, you’re out…

Jesus: Go DOWN There? Are you SERIOUS? Last time I went down there they nailed me to a tree.

God: Just real quick, you stop in, see this one guy…

Jesus: Seriously, holes through my hands and feet, Dad. Do you KNOW how much physical therapy I went through after that?

God: I know, I know, but…

Jesus: I still have to wear special sandals…

God: And I’m sorry about that, but this guy…

Jesus: Dad. My hand whistles if I wave too quickly.

God: But this guy…

Jesus: Nope, no way. I’m not going back. Not for cake. He’ll just have to find a new career.

God: That’s your final answer?

Jesus: It is. …. Anything else?

God: Well…

Jesus: What?

God: It’s just…

Jesus: What is it?

God: You see, there’s this flower guy…

END SCENE