… when I have been drunk. Shocking, I know, but… I have been drunk. I mean really drunk. No, I mean really, really drunk. I have been pass-out, blind, stinking, staggering, slobbering drunk.
I have made bad decisions. I have gone places I shouldn’t have. I have passed out in places I shouldn’t have. I have woken up in places I shouldn’t have. I have woken up in places I didn’t even recognize.
I’ve been so drunk I thought I could sing. I’ve been so drunk I thought I could leap off buildings. I’ve been so drunk I thought I could catch a duck. (Hint: You can’t, if you get close, those suckers know how to fly.) In short, I have been all kinds of drunk, but…
I have never, ever been so drunk that I thought it was okay to fuck a woman passed out behind a dumpster.
I don’t think it’s possible to get that drunk.
You see, you are either a person who thinks it’s okay to fuck someone who is passed out, or you are not. No amount of alcohol changes that.
When people do things drunk that they wouldn’t do sober, it is always, and I mean always, things that they wanted to do. The only reason they didn’t do them sober was because they feared the consequences. That is what alcohol does — it removes fear.
So, if you get caught fucking a woman passed out behind a dumpster, it’s not the alcohol. I don’t care how drunk you were. It just means you are the type of person who would fuck a woman passed out behind a dumpster. In short, it means that, drunk or sober, you are a rapist.